


TSA But You Actually Don't Have A Bad Time

by orphan_account



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Crack, F/M, TSA baby!, airport, airport terminals, do you think god stays in heaven because he too is afraid of what he's created, this started as a joke and it will end as one too, tsa agent archie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-06-27 08:31:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19787143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: While going through airport terminal security, you meet the love of your life and #thrive in 2019





	TSA But You Actually Don't Have A Bad Time

**Author's Note:**

> this is finna get a readers choice ward lmao hope yall enjoy this because its the greatest and worst thing I've ever written

You sighed with annoyance as you found yourself at the end of a long, winding line to get through terminal security. Your flight wasn't due to board for a couple hours, so you weren't in a hurry, but the line to go through the security section wasn't exactly where you wanted to wait. Babies were screaming and crying in front of and behind you. Fascinated tourists wouldn't shut up. The person who would certainly sit behind you on the flight and kick your seat the entire time was stretching in preparation for harassing you. 

"I knew I shouldn't have flown down to Disney World," you cried to yourself. At least you were gonna be in the happiest place on earth at the end of the day ~~where you would have to wait in even more lines.~~ The 'didney whorl' memes flashed through your head and brought you a momentary relief. You pulled out your phone and checked Instagram. Your friends were spamming the group chat with memes. After Hiram Lodge had taken over the meme industry in attempt to brainwash the youths, people had resorted to creating their own memes and dealing them on social media. For once, tumblr's cringyness had worked in it's advantage: that was the one platform that Mr. Lodge's creepyass hadn't infiltrated with his Lodge Industries sanctioned memes.

'Bruh airport security sucks dick,' you texted the chat. Everyone liked the message and your ego inflated from the high that affirmation on the internet gives you (stay woke kings).

Someone kicked the back of your leg and you spun around to throw hands. "Move up, you dimwit!" the crying baby who would disrupt the whole fight said. You turned back around to notice that the line had moved significantly while you were texting. You did as the baby said, all while being impressed that a baby could speak that well and knew the word dimwit. 

"Is it snack time yet?" you heard the TSA agent say. He was tall, looked like he lifted occasionally, and had obviously dyed red hair. Your vision was clouded by heart eyes. You thought he was very pretty and maybe it was just the fact that you had been single your whole life and were lonely, but you were starting to seriously consider asking him out on a date to chuck e cheese or something. You opened your phone again and texted the group chat, "would it be weird if I asked the tsa agent out? he kinda cute doe."

As the line moved up, your friends texted you back: "omg sis go for it haha you are gonna be single forever anyways" "im baby" "sure whatever" With confidence, you stepped through the metal detector when the attractive TSA agent said 'okay come on through.' 

"I have a snack here if you want," you pulled a MOTTS assorted fruits snack out of your pocket. The TSA agent took it from you eagerly; "yes please I am starving to death."

He poured the contents of the bag into his hand. "My name is Archibald Andrews, what's yours?" he said. 

"Oh I'm [REDACTED]. I sell healing crystals out of the back of my truck, I activate almonds for a living, and my salary is 20 million a year." You smiled and batted your long anime girl eyelashes. The two of you guys continued to have a lovely conversation, completely forgetting that there was a whole ass mf line behind you, waiting to get through security so they could go and find their gates.

Archibald made a face as he examined the fruit snacks. "Motts has some e x p l a i n i n g to do!! Assorted fruits? ASSORTED. FRUITS?????" he picked up a carrot from the fruit snack pile. "That is a C A R R O T!!!!!!!!" he ate it anyways. 

You pulled a feather quill pen thing out of your pocket and took Archibald's hand once he was done eating the fruit snacks. "Here's my number boo. Call me sometime, and we can go to chuck e cheese's and have a knee-slapping time," you said flirtatiously, writing your number on his hand. 

Eventually you had to go catch your flight to didney whorl. After you returned home, you and Archibald went to chuck e cheese and hit it off right away. At your guys wedding, you served MOTTS assorted fruit snacks, but without the carrots, because they are not fruits, and to say so is a farce in the name of modern knowledge. 

•<|:•) thanks 


End file.
